AfflictionAteHer

Finally started my period, somehow managing to make it through PMS without falling back on the comforts of my old medications. I am sleeping through the night on nothing but 100mg of Unisom (which, in theory at least, should also help take care of my allergies).

My allergies, and accompanying asthma, have become my primary focus. I have to admit that my allergic reaction to the environmental variables around me is more than just an annoyance; I am in a more or less constant state of illness. If I take nothing for it I am incapacitated, if I take something for it the symptoms improve but are counter-balanced by the negative side effects of the medication I am taking. I am stymied as to what to do about this.

First, let’s look at the allergies themselves: pet dander, mold, and dust. These are the three items my allergy testing came back with as clear allergic reactions.

We have 3 cats (they came with the husband) and one big, fuzzy dog. All four animals shed profusely, and the cats prefer to lounge on whatever surface my husband and I most enjoy lounging on – especially the bed. At this point in our lives, pet dander has seeped in to the crevices of everything in our home, from our clothing to our walls. We are deeply attached to our pets and they will be with us for the rest of their lives.

Austin has measurable mold in the air every day of the year. Periods where the mold is “high” often find me wondering if I’ve contracted pneumonia because it makes me so ill.

Dust is another big problem. In my own life I have tended to retain few possessions, but my husband came with a house-full. We have stacks of furniture, boxes, bags of stuff in every room of our house. Although we don’t use these things we seem unable to get rid of them. My husband worries that he has hoarding tendencies and it’s true that he does. We are surrounded by things that not only collect, but generate, dust.

When we were dating I used to return home from my husband’s apartment overflowing with the symptoms of allergic reaction. I worried about what it would be like to live with them full time and now, five years later, I know.

I feel so trapped by all of this. I love my husband and my pets, but I am so tired and so sick from all of this that I don’t have the energy to do much about anything. I feel that I am fighting a constant, losing battle, and most days it seems like the best I can do is to brush the cat hair off my pillow before I go to bed and shake the dander out of my coat before I go to work. My husband really doesn’t get it. He doesn’t seem to have any allergies to anything, and he thinks of dusting as being that thing you do to the edges of boxes that allows you to get a better grip when you move them around every few years. His favorite time of day is snuggling in bed with the cats and, although we’ve gone through periods when we’ve banished them from the bedroom, eventually they always find a way back in until, eventually, the live on our bed. We’re going through such a period right now.

I’m at a point in my life where I need every once of energy I can get and yet the drag, the inertia, of my living situation seem insurmountable.

I will probably feel better within a few days – more hopeful, anyway. Today, though, just like yesterday and the day before, I feel glued to the spot I am in. Sick, tired, and resigned.

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