A tribute to dial-up AOL Instant Messenger, my Mom – and to the year 2000: The year I shaved my head, finally lost my mind, and got my dream job (all at the same time).
| MOM | good grief!~ I couldn't get on! | WACO | Hi, Mom! |
| MOM | howdy! :) | WACO | I am bald! |
| MOM | I have a big bandaid on my left stickit toem finger so watch out. Why are you bald?!! | WACO | |
| MOM | You did it again? | WACO | Did what????? |
| MOM | Cut your hair short? | ||
| MOM | Very short? | WACO | Hold on, let me splain... |
| MOM | k | ||
| MOM | so | ||
| MOM | ? | WACO | I cleaned house all day Sunday & was VERY tired by 8:30. So I decided to go to bed early ... |
| MOM | yes... | WACO | I took 2 Ambien and waited for them to take affect... |
| MOM | yes, and they didn't, right? you got bored & cut your hair? | WACO | Two hours later, I was wide awake and beginning to panic... too tired to finish my work that was due the next day and yet unable to sleep... |
| WACO | So I made myself a margarita... | ||
| MOM | Arg | ||
| MOM | agin | ||
| MOM | arghhhh | WACO | I woke up the next morning bald |
| MOM | ? | WACO | No, it's better. I mean bald, literally. Bald. BALD. |
| MOM | What happened? | WACO | I have a hazy memory of happily chopping off all of my hair. I think it had something to do with cleaning house. Cleaning up my head. Something like that. |
| WACO | I joyfully shaved my head and then went to bed. | ||
| MOM | My gosh! Have you called a doctor? Did you get a wig... | ||
| MOM | Dammit | WACO | I woke up at 4:30 the next morning. I knew it wasn't a dream when I had to peel my head, which was neatly velcro'd to the pillow, off the bed. |
| WACO | I saw the doctor today. | ||
| MOM | And whay was determined? | WACO | Of course, the first thing I did was to throw away all of the Ambien and liquor. |
| MOM | Good. Then? | WACO | The doctor told me that it's one thing to have a drink before you take the Ambien... quiet another to take a drink afterwards... |
| MOM | So what's next? | WACO | She told me I'm fine. I'm not depressed - wasn't depressed at the time. Doesn't have anything to do with depression. As I mentioned, it was a happy, fun, joyful experience until I woke up. |
| MOM | Not at all manic or in any kind of altered reality or anything? HA! | WACO | I showered, put on my makeup, wrapped a red bandana around my head, stuck a cute straw hat on top of that and went to bed |
| WACO | Ooops - make that, went to work... | ||
| MOM | My gosh. Do you still have a job? | WACO | Sure I still have a job. Everybody got a good laugh out of it, not the least of whom was me (actually, I didn't laugh until today). |
| MOM | Well, get it fixed, darn it. Well, maybe I'll laugh tomorrow. That scares the pewaddle out of me. | WACO | First of all, the wig market seems to cater to the black population. |
| WACO | Black people at wig stores are very nice. | ||
| MOM | Did you find anything decent? | WACO | Well, I found one that looks just like my natural hair when it's short. |
| WACO | Unfotunately, it is not made out of real hair. | ||
| MOM | Did you get it? | WACO | Yes, I got it. |
| WACO | But people stare a whole lot more when I'm wearing it than when I'm just wearing a bandana. | ||
| MOM | Well, maybe you won't shave it off...it won't grow back, you know. :) | WACO | Hahahaha. |
| MOM | Well, check with some beauty shops. I now they still make real wigs for real people. Check with some cancer figgit places. | WACO | I wore it to work and Jennifer, my co-worker, said right off, "I think you should go someplace that has a better selection." |
| MOM | Yup. | WACO | Also, I didn't realize that my left ear was half-way tucked under the wig. |
| WACO | That might be one reason people stared when I wore it. | ||
| WACO | Lots of funny, funny stories out of this little incident, let me tell you. | ||
| MOM | Do you recall anything besides joy when dyou were doing the deed? LIke...WHY? | WACO | Anything besides joy? No. I was bored. I thought there was a little white dog with brown and black spots sitting next to me (kind of like a kid playing make-believe), and I was talking to it the whole time. |
| MOM | Please, please PLEASE wear eye makeup. :) | WACO | Lots and lots of eye makeup!!!!!!!!! |
| MOM | I think JL and Amy are planning on living together. | ||
| MOM | She's looking for work down here. | ||
| MOM | She is bipolar and takes neurontin and welbutrin. sigh. | ||
| MOM | She has a great personality, though, and is a lot of fun. | ||
| MOM | Adn she has hair. | WACO | Hairly a good reason for living with someone. |
| MOM | I'm thinking. | ||
| MOM | She was hair Sunday but gone Monday. Won't be hair again for a couple of weeks. | WACO | I think I'm probably safe now. After all, if I had a wild hair, it's certainly gone now! |
| MOM | Cep fer the hair on yer chinny, chin, chin! | WACO | I threw it all away. |
| WACO | Like throwing a dead body in to the dumpster to hide the evidence. | ||
| MOM | I wonder how long it will take to grow back. | WACO | I don't know. But at least it solves the question of what to do about my hair color! |
| WACO | I think I'll probably end up enjoying the experience, over all. | ||
| WACO | Not something I would EVER repeat, though. | ||
| WACO | A shaved head is an ugly head. | ||
| WACO | And my head is not round. It's pointy in the back and I have a big face. Cute ears, though. Kind of makes me look like an alien. A nice, cute, friendly alient | ||
| WACO | I have an interview with 6 six people at Tivoli Friday afternoon. I just found out today. | ||
| WACO | It's a sitcom type of a situation. | ||
| MOM | Sitcom as in they applaud when you say the right thing? Over the phone? | WACO | Sitcom as in I finally get an interview with Tivoli, but only after I've shaved my head! |
| WACO | In person interview. | ||
| WACO | No applause. | ||
| MOM | Waco, get a weal wig. A good one. | WACO | I can't afford a weal wig. Wouldn't know where to get one. And I can't tell you the kind of stares I got when I was wearing this one. People KNOW. |
| MOM | They don't know if you're wearing the right kind. Weally. | WACO | The one I got was $89!!!!!!! |
| MOM | You'll look weird without a weal wig Waco. I'll call around here and see what I can find out. | WACO | I refuse to invest hundreds of dollars in this mistake. Especially since it's grow out so soon. |
| WACO | Keep in mind, Mom, that Austin is full of wierd people, and many of them work for Tivoli. | ||
| MOM | :{ | WACO | But I don't have a left curly bracket. As a matter of fact, I don't have anything curly at all! |
| MOM | What would you be doing for Tivoli? | ||
| MOM | weal work wifout a weal wig Waco? | WACO | I'd be doing Notes programming for them. |
| MOM | Weal work. Weally! | WACO | I am keeping my head covered at all times. Even in the car. |
| MOM | Soon you will be able to brush your hair into a large curl on top of your head like all the other little babes. | ||
| MOM | Good for you. Now, if you get a veil, and wear lots of eye makeup, you can be mysterious! And HOT. | WACO | Part of the beauty of the bald head is the pale, blueish-white background of scalp against dark stubble. I wouldn't want to ruin the affect |
| WACO | I'll tell you what's hot. A WIG is hot. And what REALLY bad is when you've just shaved your head and you're in a wig store and you put on a wig and the sales lady sprays your head with wig conditioner. STING!!!!!!! | ||
| MOM | Yeah! I can't believe you did this. | WACO | I look constantly surprised, sort of shocked. My eyes look huge. |
| WACO | I'm sure everyone who sees me understands that I can't believe I did this either. | ||
| WACO | The 23 year old who sits across from me at work really didn't get why I thought it was a big deal. "Why are you wearing a bandana?" he asked, "I don't get it." He's the guy who's part owner of a dance club down on sixth street. | ||
| WACO | Jennifer said, "You've got to get some other bandanas. You can't just wear the same one every day!" | ||
| MOM | How long do you think it will be before you can go sans scarf? | WACO | I think probably just a few more days before I lose the scarf. |
| WACO | When my scalp isn't showing anymore. | ||
| MOM | Well, you can but a good, holy wig for the cost of a few scarves. | ||
| MOM | Get one that's red or something. | WACO | FUN. |
| MOM | Or platinum | WACO | I could strap a pony-tail to the back of my head (tie it under my chin). |
| MOM | Arg. | ||
| MOM | My baby. | WACO | The black people's wig store had really neat wigs. Mom, they were so nice! It reminded me of when I used to go to the beauty shop with Granny or Neta. |
| WACO | Jennifer said that black women wear a lot of wigs, and I think she's right! | ||
| MOM | Try a white people's wig place. ... | ||
| MOM | I know I never mentioned it to you, but you are basically caucasian. | ||
| MOM | A little redskin thrown in... | WACO | |
| MOM | Although your dad is Black Irish, whatever that is. | WACO | Me? Caucasian? Is that why my scalp is blue? |
| MOM | Or so he says. | ||
| MOM | Your scalp is blue because your brain floated away and left a shadow in its place, dear. | WACO | I think black women are much more church-oriented than white women. |
| MOM | And where is this staement goin? Church wigs, or what? | WACO | I'm ignoring the brain remark. |
| WACO | Oh - the church thing. Well, I say that because ... | ||
| MOM | Yes | ||
| MOM | ? | ||
| MOM | yes? | WACO | When I was at the wig store, the ladies often said things like, "well, that's all in the Lord's hands" or, well, stuff like that a lot when they were talking to each other. They talked about God as if he were a very present parent that was someplace in the back of the store, managing the accounts. Like, when they weren't certain about something, the guy in the back would figure it out. |
| WACO | And they mixed it with stuff like, "So, who you sleep with? Just kidden'!" | ||
| WACO | They lady who helped me called me 'sister'. That was so neat. | ||
| MOM | Well, I hope they are right. Somebody needs to be thinking things out.....she called YOU sister? Neato. | WACO | Yep! |
| WACO | When I walked in the store she said, "Can I help you?" and I said, "Yes mam, I'd like to look at a wig." And she said, "Well, imagine that. A wig. I can't believe you'd walk in this door lookin' for a wig!" | ||
| MOM | Did you talk your regular talk, then? :) | WACO | Yes, I talked my regular middle-class white girl talk. I don't know any other kind of talk. |
| MOM | She probably was thinking, "I can't believe you'd walk in this door, period! " | WACO | I don't know. But all the ladies who were there trying on wigs were very sweet and very helpful. |
| WACO | Most of them were elderly women. | ||
| MOM | Then she saw what was supposed to be your shiny white pate and noted that it was blue instead. | WACO | She asked me if I wanted to try it on in the bathroom. I just about died when she said, "Here, try this on," and held it out to me like it was a hat or something. |
| WACO | It's growing darker every minute, though. I guess it probably grows sort of like a beard. | ||
| MOM | Probably. And you have very thick hair. Remember that the flattops are popular now, and those stick in every direction dos too. | WACO | |
| MOM | It won't be too bad. | ||
| MOM | I hope. | WACO | You know, I could have learned a lot of life lessons a lot sooner if every time I insisted on continuing to do something stupid I woke up the next morning with a bald head! |
| WACO | Thinking about dropping out of high school or college? Here ya go... Rather not pay your bills? ZAP. | ||
| MOM | Well, honey, you'd probably get used to that,too. | WACO | I don't think so. |
Popularity: 1%
