RACTHOUGHTSING

On 12.30.09, In Asthma, Bipolar Disorder, Dentistry, By admin

Quick update: it went great – 100 times better than I could possibly have hoped for. Not only did they not have to give me any shots to numb my mouth during the teeth cleaning, but they told me I no longer have gum disease. On top of that, they did not 2, but 6, fillings – at the gumline of each of my top upper teeth. It was fabulous. A bit sore, now, but the impact to my self-esteem is huge. I no longer feel embarrassed to smile.

Well, so much for thinking I might be able to get by with Trazedone and Claritin :-(

I’ve been waking up with a song stuck in my head and racing thoughts for the past few days, and this morning was the worst, yet. I’ve been growing more distracted at the same time — and perhaps a bit moodier.  And my heart is racing, and I’m shaky. And this is very, very uncomfortable. The very worst of it seems to dissipate as I wake up, but most of it will probably stick with me throughout the day.

I’m concerned about myself, this morning. Will these old, familiar (but absent, for the most part, on my Seroquel/Lamictal/Neurontin regimen) go away if I stop taking the Trazedone and Claritin? One small hope along with the concerns, though, is that it will stop once I start my period, which is likely to be late this month because of all the changes and stress over the past few weeks. Racing thoughts have always peaked right before my period.

So — no Claritin today, and I’ll try half a Trazedone instead of the full 100mg pill before bed, tonight.  I’ll try switching to Unisom (my old stand-by from my pre-psychophamacuetical days) over the next few days, or maybe I’ll try Melatonin, instead.  I’ll try taking something else for allergies — or even taking nothing for allergies. Allergies are a common topic of conversation in Austin, Texas, especially this time of year. While the optical migraines, itchy skin, runny nose, and watery eyes are miserable, they are nothing compared to how uncomfortable I feel when my asthma gets worse on top of it (as it always does). This time of year I have the triple-play of mold, cedar, and artificial heating, and I have yet to find a way to feel better for any long period of time. Claritin works minor miracles, but I can’t tolerate it for more than a few days at a time (if the racing thoughts don’t happen, extreme irritability does). Although this sounds extreme, it’s actually quite common in this part of the country.

And just to get all of my whining in, for the day, my internal thermostat has gone wonky. It’s 41 degrees outside and we’ve had our heater set on 73 for the past 24 hours, and I’m sitting here in my husband’s sweatshirt, flannel pajama bottoms, and socks; sitting here drinking hot coffee, and freezing. Wishing it was 104 outside again, as it seemed to be for most of the summer. I don’t have much tolerance for cold – in fact I started looking for beams of sunlight to stand in during my smoke breaks when the temperature finally dropped below 90 last September – but this has been one of the coldest Decembers on record in Austin.

I’m heading off for my second round of dental work this morning. I’m taking what would normally be 3 separate appointments (one for root scaling and planing in both sides of my mouth, and one for 2 fillings I’m having done) and combining them in to one. While I do not expect it to be a pleasant experience and while I know my mouth will be sore and my teeth will be extra sensitive for the next few days, I do look forward to having this dental work behind me.

I need to leave here in about 45 minutes; in the meantime, I’m going to go crank the heat up to 77, wrap up in a fuzzy comforter, and plop down on our sofa under the heating vent.

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Check Up

On 12.28.09, In Asthma, Diet, Insomnia, Medication, By admin

I ran through the contents of this blog the other day. I started it back in October (not so long ago, really) with a few posts from the previous year. I thought I wanted it to be a blog about mental illness… but that’s not how it worked out, it seems. For now, at least, this blog is really more about simply trying to feel better in every possible way. And for now, at least, that means trying to sort out what is causing what in my body (if baseline should be a body that functions well and feels fine).

I’ve stopped taking Lamictal, Seroquel, Neurontin, and Symbicort. I’ve cut my Protonix dose in half. I’ve added Trazedone and 12-Hour Claritin D. If you saw my post about side-effects, then you know the list of problems I’ve been dealing with on a daily basis is quite long, and if you’ve been reading lately at all you know that I also had some relatively major oral surgery a couple of weeks ago.

Here’s an update on how things are going, so far.

Sleep {Seroquel}

I have a history of running in to intolerable withdrawal symptoms when I try to wean myself off of Seroquel. But off of it I am, and I seem to have managed to get through it just fine, this time.

Seroquel is the most effective sleeping pill (not it’s intended purpose, but a side effect, actually) I’ve ever taken, and believe me when I say I’ve tried them all. On the other hand, it never made sense to me to take a sleeping pill every night for the rest of my life. Sleeping pills are usually short-term solutions. Instead, it’s been a daily solution of mine for close to ten years. Add to that the risks associated with this drug — weight gain, high cholesterol, diabetes — and you have some very good reasons to stop taking it. The final kicker for me, though, was that I began to experience what my doctor and myself thought might be extrapyramidial symptoms (i.e., I couldn’t swallow at night).

To my enormous surprise, I was able to successfully make the switch from Seroquel to Trazedone in one fell swoop. Two things made the difference, I think: 1) my allergies bother me a lot at this time of year, so I started taking 12-Hour Claritin D at about the same time that I stopped taking Seroquel (which made the all-over itching tolerable); and 2) my oral surgery gave me something else to think about.

I think I’m sleeping about as well on Trazedone as I did on Seroquel, though maybe not quite as deeply. I gradually stopped having any trouble swallowing, though it’s impossible to say if Seroquel was the specific cause of that problem.

Although I’ve taken Seroquel for about 10 years, I took other things for years before that, starting back in 1996. My hope is that some time in the next year I can learn to sleep without a sleeping pill, again. It’s going to take quite some time to get there, I fear.

Mood {Lamictal, Neurontin}

Here’s something worth noting: my mood does not appear to have been affected by these changes in any negative way at all. In fact, the paranoia has disappeared, and my mood overall just seems much more even that it had been. Trazedone is also an antidepressant, so I guess that could be helping things, but I don’t know.

You’d think that someone who’s bipolar would at least have some kind of major mood swing when confronted with all of these sudden chemical changes and physical stressors, but it simply hasn’t happened.

Lungs/Asthma {Symbicort}

All of the congestion in my lungs – and I do mean all of it – stopped as soon as I stopped taking Symbicort. That’s one drug I didn’t stop all at once, I tapered off of it, and the congestion tapered away with it. The constantly having to clear my throat, the coughing something up every few minutes of the day, are gone. In addition, I simply don’t feel nearly as out of breath, and my heart doesn’t threaten to explode when I climb the stairs at work.

On the other hand, I do have a dry, allergy-like cough.

Now, here’s something weird: I tend to keep my albuterol inhaler with me at all times, and I typically use it either before or after every smoke break at work. My bronchial tubes protest when I smoke, this time of year, and the albuterol calms them down. Last week I got to work only to realize that I’d forgotten to bring my inhaler with me. It was a panicky feeling, let me tell you – I was convinced that as soon as I smoked I was going to start wheezing in a particularly uncomfortable and embarrassing way… but it never happened. I smoked less that day, and I never had an asthma attack, and I was just fine. I was just fine until I got home, that is. And then the bronchial spasms started back up.

We have 3 cats and a dog and we’re all slobs. Pet hair floats freely through the atmosphere, along with dust and dander, and I happen to be allergic to all three of these things. Yes, I’m allergic and I know it and I don’t do anything about it.

Long story short: my allergies and my housekeeping are both bad. And I need to stop using drugs as a crutch to avoid those realities.

Not that I’ll stop using my albuterol. Asthma is serious business. But still…. I’ve obviously been using my inhaler even when I don’t really need to. And if we were to clean this house up, and wash and groom our pets, and keep at it, I could probably use it even less. Meaning that I would feel better and lower the risk of side effects adding to my misery.

Indigestion (aka GERD) {Protonix}

A quick update about this. Unfortunately, this is not a symptom that has improved with a decrease in my daily dosage of Protonix.

My prescription for this medication calls for me to take twice the highest recommended dosage every day. I tried to cut it back to, simply, the highest recommended dosage. I’m back to getting indigestion every night. I haven’t woken up choking on it, yet (FYI: this is why I take it – I’ve had several frightening nights when I’ve woken up after having inhaled a bunch of acid from my stomach).

Two thoughts about this: 1) The original instructions I had for this medication called for me to take it first thing in the morning 30 minutes before I consume anything else, including coffee. I’ve never taken it that way, so that’s something to try. 2) Maybe I need to go back to my doctor or see another doctor about this problem.

A related problem has been nausea. It may be a withdrawal symptom, but I have been experiencing sudden and intense waves of nausea. These have been easily remedied by eating something as soon as the nausea hits. I have mild nausea when I don’t eat enough, anyway, but this has been something else. Thank goodness there’s a fast and easy way to control it.

Diet

My intense craving for sweets seems to have dissipated. In fact, a bigger problem I’m facing is a simple lack of appetite. I do still get hungry, occasionally, but only after going for close to 24 hours without eating. I’m having to force myself to eat during the day because the motivation (hunger) to eat simply isn’t popping up in a normal way. I have no desire to cook anything specific because I don’t feel hungry for anything specific. When I do eat, I don’t eat much.

How much of this anorexia is being caused by my change in medications, and how much is being caused by recovery from oral surgery (eating is also much more difficult than it was a few weeks ago) is impossible to tell.

My diet is definitely causing me some problems. I’m running out of energy, and when I’m low on energy I’m even less likely to eat.

I think of this as an opportunity to change my diet for the better. If I don’t care what I eat then it doesn’t matter if I choose, say, a healthy meal rather than junk food. This is a work in progress for me.

(By the way, I think it’s worth noting, here, that after my oral surgery the morning of the 16th, I didn’t eat again until the night of the 19th and that was just some mashed potatoes and green beans).

I’ve only lost 5 pounds, which means I’m not getting anything out of this problem with my appetite. Probably because I’m continuing to make poor choices about what I eat – a milkshake in lieu of lunch, a Snak-Pak pudding in lieu of breakfast, a sausage-croissant sandwich from Jack In The Box in lieu of dinner.

Sex Drive

Well hello there! Haven’t seen you around these parts in awhile. Where did you disappear to, anyway? Gosh but I’d love to spend some time with you. I hope you’ll stick around while I recover from the raging yeast infection the antibiotics I took for my oral surgery gave me. You. Are. Looking. Good.

While my husband is clearly happy to hear me say I have a sex drive again, he seems equally happy to chuckle about my inability to do anything about its return. Almost as if he is basking in the irony of the situation. I mean this is a good way. Anticipation in any marriage is a welcome change of pace.

That’s it for today, just wanted to check in. I’m curious as to where this will all lead. But hopeful, too. Coming soon: research the side-effects of 12-Hour Claritin D and Trazedone, and update my side-effects table.

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Everything You Never Wanted To Know About My Mouth

On 12.27.09, In Dentistry, By admin

We went to my parent’s house for dinner, last night. Mom made roast and mashed potatoes and green beans and home made biscuits and gravy. It was yummy (though my mouth isn’t ready for solid meat, yet), and fun. David bought the game “Taboo” specifically for the evening, and we talked Dad in to playing, even though Dad hates-hates-hates to play games. We laughed hysterically, which was wonderful.

I have to admit, though, that after a couple of hysterical laughing fits I began to realize that my mouth was feeling rather punished. The flesh around my extracted molars was stretched beyond some limit I guess I shouldn’t have crossed and, in fact, it was the most severe pain I’ve experienced throughout my recovery process. Not a dangerous pain, just a painful pain. It passed, for the most part, once I stopped laughing.

On the other hand, today was a bad mouth day, and it brought back memories.

Back when I was 17, I had a mouth full of healthy teeth. Too many teeth, in fact, and they were crooked. I couldn’t afford braces but I was determined to find some way to straighten them up. I consulted with our local dentist who extracted five teeth near the front of my mouth and gave me a retainer. I wore the retainer exactly once.

When I was 18 years old I remember finding a sore spot in the back of my mouth, in between two of my bottom molars, It felt as if I had something wedged in between my teeth – I could feel it with my tongue – and it was sore, but I couldn’t see it or fish it out. Within one week I had a rare case of trench mouth, the gums around every one of my teeth necrotizing and dissolving in lipid pools of puss. The pain was extreme, matched only by the embarrassment I felt over the situation (and the financial inability to do a thing about it). I waited weeks to see a periodontist and by that time the damage was done. My gums dad receded well above the level of my original gum line, never to return, exposing the nerves of most of my teeth to the ravages of hot and cold, salt and sweet. I lost bone to the infection. I was a walking raw nerve.

I didn’t see a dentist again for around five years, and then only because my boyfriend bartered with his best friend who happened to be a dentist. Kenny took xrays and explained that while I no longer had trench mouth, I did have Periodontitis which would likely require surgery and long-term antibiotics to resolve. He explained that there were indications that I had a lingering infection in the bone around my teeth, as well. He added, at the end, that my wisdom teeth would likely also need to be removed at some point. I promptly stored this information in my memory banks and ignored it. The xrays, the examination, had been painful because by then everything about my mouth was always painful.

Some seven years later I saw a dentist here in Austin, determined to have cosmetic work done to rehabilitate my smile. The dentist took xrays and agreed that I would need to have gum surgery, but said it appeared that the Periodontitis had retreated in to plain old gingivitis and that, while there were signs of bone loss around some of my teeth (in addition to the areas where the teeth were pulled when I was 17), there was no sign of infection. He also told me the first cosmetic step would be to have my wisdom teeth removed, followed by gum surgery and possible gum grafts. We tried cleaning my teeth but had to back up and numb my whole mouth to do it. When I walked out of that office with clean teeth I felt like a million bucks and I promptly started trying to find an oral surgeon to remove my wisdom teeth. I couldn’t find anybody who was willing to do the extractions using anesthesia, so I gave up.

A few years later I saw another dentist who did something in between gum surgery and a thorough teeth cleaning: root scaling and planing. Oh, I know it sounds awful, but the shots to numb my mouth (which was no big deal, really) were the worst of it. All of the lingering gum pain vanished within days.

A few years later I saw yet another dentist, and this time was informed that I suddenly had a mouth full of cavities. The dentist sat me down to do a few of the fillings and disaster ensued. He was a young army doctor, fresh out of the military, assisted only by a newly graduated dental assist, and it was her first day on the job. Twenty shots of lidocaine in to the procedure he ordered me to sit on my hands because I was annoying him with all of my pushing at his wrist when things hurt — and I did it. He finally finished, informing me that patients were backed up in the waiting room and things had taken twice as long as I’d been scheduled for. He then calmly informed me that he’d only been able to work on two teeth, and that they would both require root canals, and one might need to be extracted.

I was in such pain following this procedure that I didn’t go back to a dentist for months. I spent the summer sipping lukewarm soup and chewing with my front teeth. I couldn’t find an endodontist on my insurance plan who provided any kind of sedation, so I finally went out of plan and paid more than $500 for my own nurse-anesthesist. The drugs were incredibly fabulous, so much so that I insisted that I did not need the prescription for Vicodin they suggested I fill immediately. Within 24 hours I was in the most intense pain of my life, and we were rushing back from my in-laws house out in the boonies to get back home to the prescription and a 24 hour pharmacy. We paged the endodontist, who never returned my calls. I never returned for the crowns on the root canals. I already knew that one tooth – a bottom molar on my right side – was too far gone to crown, in fact, and would have to be removed: it had cracked, vertically, down the center.

Well, that was two and a half years ago, and the upper root canal I never got crowned is the one that broke a few weeks ago, leading me to where I am today.

I finally did it. I finally got the dang wisdom teeth removed, and I’m going back for another root scaling and planing and a couple of fillings (I’m told I need six, this time) next Wednesday and ding-dong-dangit I ain’t waiting around for my teeth to fall apart any longer.

I am quite honestly 100% fixated on my mouth, at the moment. Today, it ached the way it ached when I still had Periodontitis, and one extraction area (my 2nd molar, not a wisdom tooth) isn’t healing right. It’s very uncomfortable. The gums around my entire mouth ache. But it’s nothing terrible at this point – I’m not bleeding, or experiencing swelling. I think it’s just inflammation. I’m so relieved to have an oral surgeon I trust and a follow-up appointment on Monday, and the regular dentist visit/root scaling thing On Wednesday.

It’s different than the pain I felt for so many years. Not dangerous. Not something that’s going to continue indefinitely and lead down some dark alley of infection. I’m in good hands and I’m headed in the right direction.

Now, if I can just get it off my mind for five minutes.

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Quick Update

On 12.23.09, In Dentistry, By admin

As usual, I’ve stayed away from work for days longer than I’d planned to. I went in yesterday morning as usual, but became so completely exhausted driving that I had trouble even paying attention to traffic. By the time I got to my desk it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to work – it was simply a matter of trying to rest for long enough to drive back home.

I was sure it was because I (a) had eaten hardly anything in a week, and (b) am on heavy duty antibiotics, but I was concerned that I might also have been coming down with an infection, so I stopped by my dentist’s office on the way home. No infections, everything looked good, so I headed back to our house and made myself eat some Spagetti-O’s with Meatballs. They went down easy, and though I was still too exhausted to attempt much else I did feel slightly less concerned about my state.

Saw my dentist again today about a white area above one of the molar extractions. I thought it was bone – it looked just like bone – but it’s actually some kind of tissue. The doctor seemed a bit perplexed but said he didn’t see anything that concerns him, and added that he thought the area had actually grown smaller since the day before. I took all of today off work, as well. I felt like a bit of a fraud, but the truth is that talking makes that area hurt quite a lot – and, of course, my job as a call center agent is to do nothing but talk all day.

I see the general surgeon about my breasts tomorrow morning. On the 30th I go back to the dentist for root scaling & planing plus a couple of fillings.

I haven’t had any Neurontin, Lamictal, or Seroquel in over a week, now, and I’m doing amazingly well. It certainly helps to have something else to fixate on.

Crossing some of the big stuff off my list, here.

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Suckiness

On 12.18.09, In Dentistry, By admin

Ok, so – really? Getting these teeth pulled out has turned out to be every bit as un-fun as I had feared that it would. If I can just manage to avoid dry-socket (the next two to three days will tell) I think I’ll survive, but let me tell you why getting teeth pulled out of their sockets sucks.

First, let’s stop differentiating between wisdom teeth and other teeth. Because, to tell you the truth, the wisdom teeth they pulled out seem to be the least of my problems. It’s the hole left behind by the 2nd molar I broke two weeks ago that causing me the biggest problem, or, at least, the biggest fears.

I am now cold turkey off Lamictal, Seroquel, and Gabapentin, and it doesn’t seem to matter at all, so distracted am I by the ruin that is my jaw. And I haven’t eaten solid food in 48 hours, now, which is weird partly because I don’t care. I have discovered that Trazedone causes nausea, and that cherry Slurpee eaten with a spoon can help. I have discovered that you really can get tired of chocolate ice cream. I have rediscovered the overpowering aroma of canned soup on an empty stomach; an odor so severe that it has actually prevented me from eating said soup. I have discovered that we suck on things all the time (namely, our teeth and tongue) without even realizing it. I have discovered that it is very difficult to lick your lips if the back of your jaw is swollen. I have discovered that pain medication holds no lure when you fear nausea. I have discovered that you can smoke a cigarette without actually sucking on the filter, and that it makes you cough a lot when you do.

More than anything else, though, I’ve rediscovered the importance of healing time. That, and the fact that I can’t write worth beans when I’m completely fixated on my tooth-holes and haven’t eaten anything more nutritious than a Snak-Pack pudding in two days.

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4 Monkeys Outta My Mouth

On 12.16.09, In Afflictions, Dentistry, By admin

SDZ_0112-GoldenSnub-nosedMonkey-LargeMouthAh, sweet relief, the teeth are gone. That would be teeth numbers 1, 15, 16, and 30: my impacted upper wisdom teeth, the broken molar next to one of those teeth, and the root canal that didn’t have enough tooth left to restore somewhere in the bottom right of my mouth.

I was so scared of getting this done, and yet when they were finished the only thing that came to mind was, “wow, that was kind of fun.”  I was oblivious to the actual work they were doing despite the fact that I was not under general anesthesia. I do not know what drugs they put in that IV, but they did their job well. The dentist said I shouldn’t experience much pain, but will be sore and swollen for awhile.

You know, I put up with increasing jaw pain for more than a decade because of these two dudes. And now they are gone. Outta here. Caput. These upper wisdom teeth of mine have been the roadblock to orthodontics, and to finishing other work I need to get done in my mouth. I might actually end up with a healthy mouth some day soon – because I just got the most unhealthy parts yanked out of it. Hooray!

Last night was another story, however. I was really scared of this work, but I was also scared of oversleeping, and I was even more scared of mixing up my normal medications with the mysterious (but oh, so beautiful) drugs that were going to go in my IV this morning, so I decided to simply not take any medication last night. This triggered my “supper allergy attack” withdrawal symptoms and I could not, of course, sleep. It might not have helped that both cats had already taken ownership of my side of the bed by the time I tried to slither in around them. These are some big cats, and the weight of them short-sheeted me, so that try as I might I could not keep the covers up around my shoulders. And, you know, as much as I love the vibrating goodness of a purring cat, the sound and feeling takes on a whole other meaning when it’s in my ear and keeping me from covering up. When I finally did manage to almost get to sleep I dreamed that I was about to jump out of an airplane, with a parachute, ON MY OWN. Jumping out of an airplane with a parachute on my own being only slightly more terrifying that jumping out of an airplane with a parachute while I am attached to someone who knows what they’re doing. And then I dreamed that I was actually getting these teeth pulled out of my head but they hadn’t knocked me all the way out. Bad dreams, sweet reality.

I’m very glad they can’t get to the bottom wisdom teeth, and that those two don’t seem to be causing any problems. Here’s hoping I don’t end up with dry socket (far less likely with upper teeth) and that all goes according to plan.

Buh-bye monkey teeth. Buh-bye.

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78 Afflictions – Side Effecs & Me

On 12.16.09, In Afflictions, Medication, My Body, Self Care, By admin

Over the past several days I’ve been working my way through the side effects of the medications I take, as listed in prescribing information and clinical studies. I got the lists from DoubleCheckMD – a source I trust because it provides the sources of the side effects it publicizes.

The hearts represent a known side effect of a specific medication I take – for instance, you’ll see that “Asthma” is listed as a side effect for both Protonix and Seroquel. Lines in red represent those I experience on a daily basis, but do not remember experiencing on a daily basis back when I was in my early thirties (before I started taking all the prescriptions). Other lines represent those I experience often, but not on a daily basis. I didn’t bother adding any side effects I’m not aware of experiencing.

My intention is certainly not to imply that everyone who takes these medications will experience these side effects. I am not clear what is a side effect and what is a symptom, in my case, and I’ve created this table to help me consider things from a new angle.

(Albuterol)

(budesonide and formoterol)

(Pantoprazole)

(Gabapentin)

(Quetiapine)

(Lamotrigine)

Published Side Effects

Ventolin

Symbicort

Protonix

Neurontin

Seroquel

Lamictal

Abdominal distention

♥

Abnormal production of breast milk

♥

Anxiety

♥

♥

♥

♥

Apnea

♥

Arm/leg pain

♥

Asthma

♥

♥

Auditory hallucinations

♥

Back pain

♥

♥

♥

Bladder infection

♥

♥

Blurred vision

♥

♥

Bruxism (clenching or grinding of teeth)

♥

Changes in heart rate/rhythm

♥

♥

♥

♥

Chest pain or tightness

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Choking

♥

Congestion

♥

Constipation

♥

♥

♥

♥

Cough

♥

♥

Decreased sex drive

♥

Dehydration

♥

♥

Delusions

♥

♥

Dental cavities

♥

Depression

♥

♥

Diarrhea

♥

♥

♥

♥

Dizziness

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Drowsiness

♥

♥

♥

Dry mouth

♥

♥

♥

♥

Dry skin

♥

Eye dryness

♥

Flank pain (pain in the sides)

♥

Foggy vision or halos around lights

♥

Fungal infections

♥

♥

♥

Gum inflammation

♥

♥

♥

Hair loss

♥

♥

Headache

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Hiccups

♥

♥

High cholesterol

♥

♥

Inability to concentrate

♥

♥

Inability to sit still/restlessness

♥

♥

♥

♥

Increased feeling of stress

♥

Increased sensitivity to noise

♥

Increased sweating

♥

♥

Increased thirst

♥

Indigestion / Reflux esophagitis

♥

♥

♥

Inflammation of the nasal passages

♥

♥

♥

Insomnia and other sleep problems

♥

♥

♥

Joint pain

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Light-headedness/faintness

♥

Lumps in the breast

♥

Memory loss

♥

♥

Mental health and behavior problems

♥

♥

Migraine headache

♥

♥

Miscellaneous problems with breathing and shortness of breath

♥

Mood disturbances

♥

♥

♥

Mouth and skin rash/lesions

♥

Muscle cramps

♥

♥

♥

Muscle spasms

♥

♥

♥

Nasal congestion

♥

Nausea

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Nervousness

♥

♥

♥

Panic attacks

♥

Paranoid reaction

♥

Paroxysmal bronchoconstriction

♥

♥

Periodontal disease

♥

Severe anxiety/nervousness

♥

Shaking chills

♥

♥

♥

Stuffy nose

♥

Swallowing problems

♥

♥

Throbbing/pounding heartbeat

♥

Tightening of the airways

♥

Tooth problems

♥

♥

Tremor

♥

♥

♥

♥

♥

Urinary tract infection

♥

Vaginitis

♥

♥

♥

Weight gain or loss

♥

♥

♥

Wheezing

♥

Worsening of asthma symptoms

♥

♥

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Octowammie

On 12.14.09, In Medication, Uncategorized, By admin

It’s always strange to try to suddenly change an ingrained schedule. Not sure if I’ll keep this entry up here or not, but here goes.

In the interest of trying to figure out what’s causing what in my body these days, and in the interest of honoring the medical information I’ve been uncovering about side effects and the medications I take, I’ve been cutting back wherever I can.

Today I feel like I have a balloon attached to my shoulders. Two nights with no Seroquel (and no withdrawal symptoms!). A new drug – Trazedone – in it’s place. No Lamictal yesterday or today. Protonix dosage cut in half. Symbicort dosage cut by three quarters. 2 cigarettes so far today instead of 10, and a nicotine patch instead. Short on sleep because I went to bed so late. Heavy duty hay fever (me and my mother both, so I’m assuming it’s not related to my change in medications). I have to say the effect is similar to the effect you feel when you’ve consumed a large dose of Valium. Not unpleasant, but not normal. I will say that for the first time in what seems like months I’m taking deep breaths and actually feel that I am getting plenty of oxygen. Maybe it’s the extra oxygen that’s doing it.

About twenty minutes ago, the girl who sits across from me asked me if I smell mold, and I said no. She explained that she’s quitting smoking and wondered if her sense of smell isn’t going a bit haywire. Her face looks like mine feels – sleepy, flushed, surprised. The girl who sits down the row from me stopped by my desk and we simultaneously said, “I slept through my doctor’s appointment this morning!” (she slept through her OB/Gyn appointment, and I slept through my appointment with the general surgeon).

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not the only one floating through my day, but floating through my day I am doing.

Based on these changes in my medications, here is a list of what has, and has not, changed:

  1. I can flex my feet and toes without having a muscle cramp, this morning…
  2. But I had a relatively minor foot cramp last night.
  3. I haven’t coughed all morning!!?!!!
  4. Well, that’s not exactly true. I haven’t coughed my gurgly/croupy cough all morning, but I have coughed an occasional allergy cough (itch cough/itch cough)
  5. I am not sad, euphoric, paranoid, or insecure.
  6. I have been pretty nauseous, especially right this minute (but it also woke me up this morning).
  7. I had trouble swallowing when I went to bed last night. I took 100mg of Trazedone and 600mg of Neurontin before I went to bed. Could the Neurontin be the culprit? Did I wait so long to do something about the Seroquel that it’s caused a semi-permanent problem?
  8. I have a bit of a headache, but it’s a different kind of headache. My normal daily headache is oppressive and constant. This one’s more of a “What the heck are you doing to me now?!?!” kind of headache; Advil seems to work on this one.

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Side Effects May Include Death

On 12.13.09, In Medication, Uncategorized, By admin

flower_skullMy brother was often sick, the year before he died. Every few weeks the long distance conversations I had with my mother every day would turn to the subject of a new illness, and we often wondered to each other what could be causing all his physical misery.

There came a time when he had missed so much work that he was on the verge of ruin – all of his utilities about to be cut off, his rent unpaid, his car payment likewise unpaid – and I called him to offer my help. He had recently been released from the hospital, and he told me in hushed tones how frightening it had been to find himself losing consciousness, coming to only after an emergency team had resuscitated him with electric paddles. Still, even though that happened several months after his body first began to fail, his doctors (of whom there were many) couldn’t figure out what was causing him to decline.

After that conversation I often found myself fantasizing about coming to his rescue which, in my mind, meant finding some fantastic hospital that specialized in taking someone like my brother and pulling him off all his prescribed medications for a prolonged period of time so they could reevaluate what was actually going on in his body. My brother wished the same thing.

About two weeks after he died my mother received the bill for my brother’s final hospital stay. He was only there for a day and a half before he died in his hospital bed, in the middle of the night, of undetermined causes. The reason my mother called me was because the bill included a three-page itemized list of all the medications administered to him while he was in the hospital. This shocked me to such a degree that I asked her to read them off to me, and then to send me a copy of the bill. Sure enough, 3 full pages, single-spaced, of medications, dosages, and (of course) associated charges.

Some of the medications were duplicates. For instance, the hospital prescribed Advair, an inhaled steriod, for my brother. They would give him two puffs off a 30-puff inhaler, then discard the inhaler and have him take 2 puffs off another one that night, then discard that inhaler and have him take 2 puffs off another one the next morning. At more than $300 per inhaler, they would have made a tidy profit on that procedure had my brother left any money to pay the hospital with.

Still, the list of unique medications he was given was more than a page long, itself. If memory serves me right it was something like 21 medications, if you include the drug they tried to pump into him when they tried to revive him that one, last, failing time. That final drug was Narcan – an antidote to morphine, which he was receiving in pump form for back pain. Oddly, morphine overdose was never considered as his final cause of death (but that’s another story).

My brother was on medication of one kind or another pretty much 100% of the time from the time he was about 4 years old and had his first asthma attack. If memory serves me right, it started with an inhaler that was outlawed in the US in the 1980′s because it contained the chemical equivalent of speed. He used that until he was in his late teens, and that’s about the time he started using cocaine.

I don’t know specifically what other drugs my brother experimented with, but I do know an old friend of his called me when I was in my mid-twenties because he was concerned about John, and when I asked him what my brother was taking all he would say was, “Imagine the worst drugs you can think of, and that’s what he’s taking.” That’s also how I learned that he’d been doing drugs since he was a teenager. When he died, my parents found pot in an old toolbox. His girlfriend told them his dealer was distraught over John’s death.

Drug use was something my brother struggled with on a daily basis from the time he was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and that struggle carried over to prescription medications he was given, most of which didn’t work well for him. The only drug that seemed to “help” him over the years was Valium, and he developed a deep and abiding physician-support addiction to that drug that interfered with the other physical maladies he was dealing with at the end. His prescribed dose of Valium was so high, in fact, that it might have been considered an overdose in someone who hadn’t built up a tolerance to it. John was well aware of this, and it’s one reason he joined me in the fantasy that we might some day find some place to help him through everything. Unfortunately, his psychiatrist didn’t think weaning John off Valium was a very high priority.

Valium isn’t what killed my brother. I mention it only because it was not, actually, one of the drugs listed on his hospital bill, and because it was not one of the drugs found in the toxicity screen the medical examiner did after his death. The hospital didn’t prescribe it for him so they wouldn’t let him take it after they checked him in; they gave him something else instead, I don’t remember what.

What I’m trying to say is that those 21 unique medications on the 3-page hospital bill were all prescribed at and by the hospital during his day and a half stay before he died. And though it is, as I said before, another story, I can tell you that a law firm my parents contacted after his death concluded that they didn’t have case for a wrongful death suit.

I’m writing this as a warning. Those of us who are not physicians or pharmacists may not feel qualified to make medical determinations about prescriptions and diseases, but we do have a kind of common sense may people in those fields appear to discount. To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing in this world that does only one thing, and medications are no different.

When we take a medication we need to understand what the side effects of that medication are. I have yet to have a physician sit me down and say, “I’m giving you this medication because it will do away with symptom A, but I want you to understand that once you take it you will definitely begin to exhibit new and different symptoms. I can’t tell you exactly what they are, but here’s a list with 40 symptoms, and you will definitely begin to experience at least one of them, if not several. I want to see you after you’ve been on this drug for a few days so we can go through the list together and see what’s happening to you. Then we can decide together if you believe it’s worth taking.”

Because physicians don’t do this, we need to do it for ourselves. I’ve spent the better part of my morning reading prescribing information about the medications I take and I’m starting to feel like an utter fool.

It’s too late for the fantasy my brother and I had for his recovery. It is not too late for me to take my own health, and the decisions I make about what I put in to my body, seriously.

More about this in my next post.

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Seroquel – DoubleCheck MD

On 12.13.09, In Uncategorized, By admin

I was incapacitated with severe muscle cramps in both feet and calves, earlier today. I tried a big glass of water. I tried vitamins, including calcium. I tried massage. I tried shoes with arch support and a slight heel. I tried simply walking barefoot on a cold floor. I could actually see the muscles spasming, like waves, across my feet and toes. My left side, left arm, and left shoulder, and upper back ached all day.**

When I saw my (now ex) pdoc this week I told her I have developed an increasingly severe problem with swallowing after taking my Seroquel at night. She told me my tongue was probably stiffening and wrote a couple of prescriptions for me to switch to instead. Hm, stiff tongue… stiff feet, perhaps? So I did a Google search and found the following, which I thought was interesting.

So tonight, for the first time in far longer than I can remember, I’ll be taking Trazedone instead of Seroquel. Crossing my fingers that it works.

Seroquel – DoubleCheck MD

**This has been going on for years. Sometimes the cramps occur only in my hands and wrists, contorting them in painful and unusable ways. Sometimes in my back, especially around my beltline. Usually, though, in my feet. Throw in the inability to swallow at night after taking my Seroquel and you end up with head-to-toe misery.

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