Only The Lonley

That night I decided to get on the MAX line and ride it to the first stop – to do a bit of exploring by foot.  The train ran along side the 405 loop – a busy freeway that looked just like I-35 to me – and I was reminded that Portland isn’t beautiful everywhere.

I exited at the first stop, 42nd Street, and followed the crowd, ending up on Broadway.  I passed lots of small businesses but nothing retail or restaurant oriented, and was about to give up and go back to the train stop when I saw what looked like a liquor store.  I decided to explore.

The place – I don’t know what it was called – was actually a wine bar.  I ordered a glass of Kriter and the antipasti plate (bread, cheese, pears and olives) and sat at the counter. A woman changed places with the man behind the bar, explaining that she worked for a wine distributor and was there to pour for a wine tasting that was about to start.

An older man, thin and grey in corduroy slacks and a flannel shirt, came in for the tasting and ordered the first wine on the list.  I remember that the wine was very clear, and so cold the outside of the glass immediately frosted up.  I offered to share the antipasti with him and he sat down next to the me.  The three of us talked about wines and wine country through his 6th or 7th tasting, and I ordered another glass of Kriter.

He was a shy man, and I pegged him for an architect and a bachelor, and I was right.  He was born and raised in Portland and had grown up in the neighborhood.  I asked him to recommend a restaurant within walking distance and he and the woman behind the counter talked about the few choices in the area.

I stepped outside for a smoke and noticed a billiards hall across the street.  When I returned the man asked if he could join me for dinner and I said sure.  If he was expecting something romantic he never let on, and I was grateful for the company.  We exchanged first names, his was Jack.  I asked him if he played pool and he said he did.  I tabbed out and we walked to the billiards hall – Sam’s Billiards — I’d seen.

“I used to play here when I was in elementary school.  They’d let us play for free.  Can you believe that? It looks just the same.”

I practically fell in love with the place from the moment we walked in.  It was relatively small, only 5 or 6 tables, but large enough to be comfortable.  Smoking was allowed but the ceiling was high enough to keep the smoke from overwhelming the atmosphere.  An old, wood bar ran the length of the left side of the place, which was filled with a few colonial-style tables and chairs.  Large windows on the right side of the room – the side with pool tables – let in natural light, and the only other lighting came from the dozens of neon beer and liquor signs on the walls and ceiling.

Jack was a great player and kept trying to get me to change my grip.  We played three games before tabbing out and heading to the restaurant he’d chosen, a place called Chameleon.

The restaurant was candle-lit; white table clothes and upholstered seating.  High prices.  I ordered the Risotto, which was delicious.  We shared desert.  By now the conversation was dwindling and we were both ready to call it an evening.  He walked me back to the MAX line and we said goodbye, neither asking the other for contact information or even a last name.

The next day I woke up with a mouth full of canker sores and a slight fever.  This happens to me when I’m under a lot of stress.  I felt lousy and lingered in my hotel room for hours before walking across the street to the mall to search for beach-friendly clothing.  I finally found a pair of Capri khaki’s on sale at the Gap and a sleeveless blouse at Macy’s and headed back to my room to change.  I was feeling worse by the minute, and the clothes looked odd together.  I decided to eat some lunch and walked back across the street to a restaurant the bellman had recommended.  Their menu was full of things I had no interest in.  I finally settled on an open-faced turkey sandwich, which turned out to be pulled turkey (tasted like it was from a can) underneath a mound of mashed potatoes and gravy and topped off with cranberry sauce.  The first few bites were ok but that was about all I could stomach, so false and buttery and salty did it taste.
I left the restaurant and walked to my rental car, determined to try to make it to the coast.  I finally (after an hour or so of going the wrong direction and backtracking to the 405 and 26) made my way out of town, but about 20 miles out realized how late in the day it was.  I didn’t want to have dinner with Tony and his wife but I’d promised that I would.  I turned around and headed back to the hotel to wait for his call.

I never heard from Tony, which was both a relief and an irritation. I ate dinner at a fast-food Chinese place in the mall, and drank an entire bottle of wine in my room, and read the book I brought with me.

And that was my trip.  It’s about 7:30 in the morning, now.  I’m going to pack, and then head to the airport for the long ride back to Austin.

Popularity: -0%

Tagged with:
 

Portland Interview

I arrived for the interview in ironed blue jeans, my fancy Anthropologie jacket over my old Anthropologie blouse (I had to keep the top of the jacket buttoned to hide my cleavage).  I wore my 3” wedge, metallic gold thong sandals because my jeans were too long.  So long, in fact, that they covered my shoes, my toes peeping out in front; it almost looked like I was barefoot.

Tony met me at the elevators and stared at my feet.  It wasn’t an auspicious beginning to a job interview.  I knew it wouldn’t be.  Knew I would have made a better impression if I’d chosen to wear traditional interview garb (a suit or even a dress, high heels that covered my toes, maybe even panty hose).  The jeans and shoes had been a conscious decision on my part, one based on something that felt a little bit like anger, but that didn’t make sense; still doesn’t, although I know that it is anger.

Tony steered me to a conference room.  I sat on one side of the large conference table.  The manager and the release manager sat across from me, forming a tribunal. The interview began in earnest, with Tony formulating scenarios that ended with, “and then you …?”, and I replied with what I would do in the given circumstances.  I did a good job of displaying my wares – my understanding of project and situational management.  The other managers would periodically turn to their notes and scribble furiously. The release manager stared at me; I tried to catch his eye a few times and even smiled at him but he didn’t respond until the interview was almost over.  By then we’d gotten to the question about how my management style differs when times are stressful versus when they are not.

“I’m better when I’m under stress,” I replied.

“Let’s explore that a bit.  When you say ‘better’ when you’re under stress, what do you mean?  How do you perform when you aren’t under stress?”

“Well, when the stress is high I tend to be very succinct.  I focus the people around me and I’m very likely to take side discussions off line.  I’m very to-the-point.  When the stress is low – during one of those lulls you talked about, for instance – I’m much more laid back, much more likely to go right off on a tangent during a meeting, for example, and I rarely direct side topics offline.”

“Ok.  What’s your breaking point?  What happens when you reach your breaking point?”

I thought about that for a few seconds.  I wasn’t sure what my breaking point is.  “There was a developer on our team who would disappear when he was under stress, and he was under a lot of stress.  He couldn’t say no, and he’d taken too much on, and he was over-tasked for his particular skill set. He’d go offline, would stop answering his phone, wouldn’t return voice mails, wouldn’t attend meetings, and he was late turning all of his work in.  I mean, consistently late, and this was a pattern with him. Since we all worked from home – he worked in Canada – this was a real problem.  One day I’d really had enough and called him at home and I really let him have it.  I mean, I didn’t yell at him or raise my voice or anything, I just told him that if he wanted to work on this team he would attend meetings and return calls and be available via IM.  And he basically said, ‘I just worked through Thanksgiving.  I can’t remember the last night or weekend or day I didn’t have to work.  My work may be late but I do turn it in.  And you can go to hell.’

“And how did you resolve that situation?”

“Oh, I waited about a week and then called him, let him cool off a bit before I tried to smooth things over with him.  But I don’t think he ever forgave me.  My point is that I realized at that moment that I’d really lost my perspective.”

“But were you able to resolve things for him or did everything just continue the way it had been?”

“Oh, sure.  I worked with our team lead and his manager and we offloaded some of his work.  The team lead sort of paired up with him on his remaining tasks to ensure they were completed in time.  But I don’t think he ever forgave me, and I can’t say I blame him.  I’d lost my perspective.  This was a matter of ethics.  He left a few months before I did.  And the situation that led to it is one reason I chose to leave IBM.”

“Well, we don’t do death marches here.  We leave at 5, we don’t work weekends, and we don’t take work home with us.” Tony told me.

“I have to say I do perform better under pressure – at least, I’m more comfortable under pressure.  It’s something I’m trying to improve, something I’m trying to work on.” I replied, wondering if they’d understood the answer I’d given them.

We didn’t explore that scenario more.  The interview was almost at an end.  I asked two or three questions, mostly because I felt obligated to (I don’t even remember what they were).  I looked up and the hour was over.

“I know you guys need to get out of here,” I said (they’d been looking at the clock and then each other as if they were late for something), “and I believe I have a pretty good understanding of what you’re looking for.”  I felt in control of the situation when I said this, almost as if I was dismissing them.  And, in a way, I think I was.

My favorite part of it was realizing I’d won over the release manager.  The oldest of the triad, he also seemed the least comfortable and the most suspicious of me.  I wanted to throw that in because when he finally smiled at me and reached over to shake my hand in a very sincere way, I realized I didn’t really care if the other two guys – the guys, after all, who were most likely going to decide weather or not to call me back – liked me.  In fact, I was far more qualified for the release manager’s job than I was for the business-side project management position we were discussing.  I suppose I felt most comfortable with the guy because of that fact.

Tony walked me to the elevator.  I felt a bit uncomfortable as he invited me to dinner the following night with he and his wife; dinner with him was the last thing I wanted to do despite the fact that I knew he was probably a very personable guy.  I just didn’t take to him.  He came across as highly ambitious, perhaps a bit too palsy with the manager (any yoga last night? he’d asked him, and then to me he said our wives work together and they’ve been doing yoga a few times a week.  Or maybe it was when he told me a beer festival was going on across the river and followed it with he and I each take one end and meet in the middle – if we can still walk we trade sides and do it again, as if he wanted to make it clear that they were all buddies, there).  He thought my plan to go to Cannon Beach was too ambitious and might interfere with my ability to get back in time to have dinner with him and his wife.  I promised to be back by mid afternoon and told him I’d wait for his call.

I don’t think I’ll get offered this job, and I do care about that.  Being offered a job is like winning any competition – it feels better than being a runner-up.  But I don’t think I would particularly like working there – I don’t think it would feel like home to me in the way that IBM did for so long.  I don’t think it would even be as comfortable as Dell, which is a place I’m looking forward to leaving, because at least at Dell I’m surrounded by so many people that I’m hardly anything more than a small (and temporary) dot making up the landscape.

To top it all off I also don’t think I want to live in Portland more than I want to live in Austin.  I’m a bit disappointed about that.  I had hoped the city would be smaller and easier to find my way around in.  In fact, I did get out and drive around a bit today and I didn’t get lost, but they don’t do drivers any favors here.  Driving is obviously really looked down on, despite the number of cars on the road.  And the city is much, much larger than I hoped it would be.  The traffic is heavier.

I’d still love to live in the Pacific Northwest, but not in Portland.  In a small town on the coast.  Something I could have done when I still worked for IBM and could live anywhere I wanted to live.

Maybe I should look for work at IBM again, I don’t know.

The night before I left I told David I didn’t think I should make this trip.  So far it’s cost over $1000, despite the fact that the company paid for my air fare.  My mouth is full of stress-induced canker sores.  IBS, or whatever it is, is acting up a bunch.  And I’m just generally very uncomfortable.  Not the worst trip I’ve been on, but I feel it’s been wasted.  I did get to spend a few hours with Joe and Christie but even that doesn’t make up for everything else.

Ah, well.  Twenty four hours from now I’ll be back home in Austin, thank goodness.  Back home in Austin, eating Tex-Mex and quaffing a margarita.

I do have something to think about, though.  It occurred to me at the end of and immediately following my interview that I may prefer a job with a lot of pressure.  And that’s something I need to think about.  A lot.

Popularity: 1%

Tagged with:
 
Page 1 of 11