AfflictionAteHer

We went to my parent’s house for dinner, last night. Mom made roast and mashed potatoes and green beans and home made biscuits and gravy. It was yummy (though my mouth isn’t ready for solid meat, yet), and fun. David bought the game “Taboo” specifically for the evening, and we talked Dad in to playing, even though Dad hates-hates-hates to play games. We laughed hysterically, which was wonderful.

I have to admit, though, that after a couple of hysterical laughing fits I began to realize that my mouth was feeling rather punished. The flesh around my extracted molars was stretched beyond some limit I guess I shouldn’t have crossed and, in fact, it was the most severe pain I’ve experienced throughout my recovery process. Not a dangerous pain, just a painful pain. It passed, for the most part, once I stopped laughing.

On the other hand, today was a bad mouth day, and it brought back memories.

Back when I was 17, I had a mouth full of healthy teeth. Too many teeth, in fact, and they were crooked. I couldn’t afford braces but I was determined to find some way to straighten them up. I consulted with our local dentist who extracted five teeth near the front of my mouth and gave me a retainer. I wore the retainer exactly once.

When I was 18 years old I remember finding a sore spot in the back of my mouth, in between two of my bottom molars, It felt as if I had something wedged in between my teeth – I could feel it with my tongue – and it was sore, but I couldn’t see it or fish it out. Within one week I had a rare case of trench mouth, the gums around every one of my teeth necrotizing and dissolving in lipid pools of puss. The pain was extreme, matched only by the embarrassment I felt over the situation (and the financial inability to do a thing about it). I waited weeks to see a periodontist and by that time the damage was done. My gums dad receded well above the level of my original gum line, never to return, exposing the nerves of most of my teeth to the ravages of hot and cold, salt and sweet. I lost bone to the infection. I was a walking raw nerve.

I didn’t see a dentist again for around five years, and then only because my boyfriend bartered with his best friend who happened to be a dentist. Kenny took xrays and explained that while I no longer had trench mouth, I did have Periodontitis which would likely require surgery and long-term antibiotics to resolve. He explained that there were indications that I had a lingering infection in the bone around my teeth, as well. He added, at the end, that my wisdom teeth would likely also need to be removed at some point. I promptly stored this information in my memory banks and ignored it. The xrays, the examination, had been painful because by then everything about my mouth was always painful.

Some seven years later I saw a dentist here in Austin, determined to have cosmetic work done to rehabilitate my smile. The dentist took xrays and agreed that I would need to have gum surgery, but said it appeared that the Periodontitis had retreated in to plain old gingivitis and that, while there were signs of bone loss around some of my teeth (in addition to the areas where the teeth were pulled when I was 17), there was no sign of infection. He also told me the first cosmetic step would be to have my wisdom teeth removed, followed by gum surgery and possible gum grafts. We tried cleaning my teeth but had to back up and numb my whole mouth to do it. When I walked out of that office with clean teeth I felt like a million bucks and I promptly started trying to find an oral surgeon to remove my wisdom teeth. I couldn’t find anybody who was willing to do the extractions using anesthesia, so I gave up.

A few years later I saw another dentist who did something in between gum surgery and a thorough teeth cleaning: root scaling and planing. Oh, I know it sounds awful, but the shots to numb my mouth (which was no big deal, really) were the worst of it. All of the lingering gum pain vanished within days.

A few years later I saw yet another dentist, and this time was informed that I suddenly had a mouth full of cavities. The dentist sat me down to do a few of the fillings and disaster ensued. He was a young army doctor, fresh out of the military, assisted only by a newly graduated dental assist, and it was her first day on the job. Twenty shots of lidocaine in to the procedure he ordered me to sit on my hands because I was annoying him with all of my pushing at his wrist when things hurt — and I did it. He finally finished, informing me that patients were backed up in the waiting room and things had taken twice as long as I’d been scheduled for. He then calmly informed me that he’d only been able to work on two teeth, and that they would both require root canals, and one might need to be extracted.

I was in such pain following this procedure that I didn’t go back to a dentist for months. I spent the summer sipping lukewarm soup and chewing with my front teeth. I couldn’t find an endodontist on my insurance plan who provided any kind of sedation, so I finally went out of plan and paid more than $500 for my own nurse-anesthesist. The drugs were incredibly fabulous, so much so that I insisted that I did not need the prescription for Vicodin they suggested I fill immediately. Within 24 hours I was in the most intense pain of my life, and we were rushing back from my in-laws house out in the boonies to get back home to the prescription and a 24 hour pharmacy. We paged the endodontist, who never returned my calls. I never returned for the crowns on the root canals. I already knew that one tooth – a bottom molar on my right side – was too far gone to crown, in fact, and would have to be removed: it had cracked, vertically, down the center.

Well, that was two and a half years ago, and the upper root canal I never got crowned is the one that broke a few weeks ago, leading me to where I am today.

I finally did it. I finally got the dang wisdom teeth removed, and I’m going back for another root scaling and planing and a couple of fillings (I’m told I need six, this time) next Wednesday and ding-dong-dangit I ain’t waiting around for my teeth to fall apart any longer.

I am quite honestly 100% fixated on my mouth, at the moment. Today, it ached the way it ached when I still had Periodontitis, and one extraction area (my 2nd molar, not a wisdom tooth) isn’t healing right. It’s very uncomfortable. The gums around my entire mouth ache. But it’s nothing terrible at this point – I’m not bleeding, or experiencing swelling. I think it’s just inflammation. I’m so relieved to have an oral surgeon I trust and a follow-up appointment on Monday, and the regular dentist visit/root scaling thing On Wednesday.

It’s different than the pain I felt for so many years. Not dangerous. Not something that’s going to continue indefinitely and lead down some dark alley of infection. I’m in good hands and I’m headed in the right direction.

Now, if I can just get it off my mind for five minutes.

Popularity: 1%

As usual, I’ve stayed away from work for days longer than I’d planned to. I went in yesterday morning as usual, but became so completely exhausted driving that I had trouble even paying attention to traffic. By the time I got to my desk it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to work – it was simply a matter of trying to rest for long enough to drive back home.

I was sure it was because I (a) had eaten hardly anything in a week, and (b) am on heavy duty antibiotics, but I was concerned that I might also have been coming down with an infection, so I stopped by my dentist’s office on the way home. No infections, everything looked good, so I headed back to our house and made myself eat some Spagetti-O’s with Meatballs. They went down easy, and though I was still too exhausted to attempt much else I did feel slightly less concerned about my state.

Saw my dentist again today about a white area above one of the molar extractions. I thought it was bone – it looked just like bone – but it’s actually some kind of tissue. The doctor seemed a bit perplexed but said he didn’t see anything that concerns him, and added that he thought the area had actually grown smaller since the day before. I took all of today off work, as well. I felt like a bit of a fraud, but the truth is that talking makes that area hurt quite a lot – and, of course, my job as a call center agent is to do nothing but talk all day.

I see the general surgeon about my breasts tomorrow morning. On the 30th I go back to the dentist for root scaling & planing plus a couple of fillings.

I haven’t had any Neurontin, Lamictal, or Seroquel in over a week, now, and I’m doing amazingly well. It certainly helps to have something else to fixate on.

Crossing some of the big stuff off my list, here.

Popularity: 1%

Ok, so – really? Getting these teeth pulled out has turned out to be every bit as un-fun as I had feared that it would. If I can just manage to avoid dry-socket (the next two to three days will tell) I think I’ll survive, but let me tell you why getting teeth pulled out of their sockets sucks.

First, let’s stop differentiating between wisdom teeth and other teeth. Because, to tell you the truth, the wisdom teeth they pulled out seem to be the least of my problems. It’s the hole left behind by the 2nd molar I broke two weeks ago that causing me the biggest problem, or, at least, the biggest fears.

I am now cold turkey off Lamictal, Seroquel, and Gabapentin, and it doesn’t seem to matter at all, so distracted am I by the ruin that is my jaw. And I haven’t eaten solid food in 48 hours, now, which is weird partly because I don’t care. I have discovered that Trazedone causes nausea, and that cherry Slurpee eaten with a spoon can help. I have discovered that you really can get tired of chocolate ice cream. I have rediscovered the overpowering aroma of canned soup on an empty stomach; an odor so severe that it has actually prevented me from eating said soup. I have discovered that we suck on things all the time (namely, our teeth and tongue) without even realizing it. I have discovered that it is very difficult to lick your lips if the back of your jaw is swollen. I have discovered that pain medication holds no lure when you fear nausea. I have discovered that you can smoke a cigarette without actually sucking on the filter, and that it makes you cough a lot when you do.

More than anything else, though, I’ve rediscovered the importance of healing time. That, and the fact that I can’t write worth beans when I’m completely fixated on my tooth-holes and haven’t eaten anything more nutritious than a Snak-Pack pudding in two days.

Popularity: 1%